Daily Devotional for Saturday May 18, 2013
Is it Ok for Husbands and Wives to Watch Pornography Together
***ASK BILL: Pastor Bill, after a recent disagreement, I was told by my spouse that he could go anywhere he wants, whenever he wants, see whoever he wants, stay as long as he wants, and make any decisions he wants without consulting me. Don't spouses owe each other that type of consideration and communication?
ANSWER: That is not a spouse, it is a dictator, and it is certainly NOT the way God designed marriage. A husband and wife are 100% equal, with different roles to play. Those who want to disregard the Bible point to passages about a wife being obedient. What they fail to mention, is that on the other side, the man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. MARRIAGE IS A MUTUAL RELATIONSHIP OF LOVE, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING, NURTURING, BASED ON A SHARED FAITH IN CHRIST!
Is it OK for husbands and wives to watch pornography together? This is a question I get hundreds of times every week. The answer is NO. The reason is because pornography involves sexual fantasies with someone OTHER than your spouse. THAT is why it is a sin. This Devotional will spark the natural question, "What is acceptable between a husband and wife?"
God created sex. It is beautiful and perfect when enjoyed in the CONTEXT GOD CREATED IT. That context is a man and women, who are married! I have always held that whatever a husband and wife enjoy sexually is fine as long as it is done in private and they BOTH are open to it. No spouse should be forced to engage in sexual acts that they are not comfortable with. Also, the line is drawn when it gets into fantasies involving other people.
THAT is why pornography is not acceptable for a husband and wife, since by its VERY nature, pornography is fantasizing about other people. FIND YOUR FULFILLMENT IN EACH OTHER!
Pornography is a problem many men and women have battled for a long time. With the advent of the Internet, it has made accessibility to pornography incredibly easy and has now become a very real societal problem. As with all problems in society, many Christians also end up caught in the traps the enemy has laid to destroy people's lives. Let me say up front, DO NOT underestimate the destructive power of pornography.
Like all sin, it starts almost innocently, but always escalates. One day you are browsing through X-rated pictures, and the next you are actually involved in a real physical relationship. One day you are chatting with someone, the next day your chat becomes more graphic, and then you are actually sitting next to them. Like all sin, there is a seductiveness that eases you into it, and one day you wake up in total bondage to that sin.
The reason pornography is a sin is because God's plan for sexuality is for one man, with one woman, for one lifetime. Our sexual thoughts are to be only about that person God gives us to share our life with. ALL other thoughts are impure. Fantasies take our mind to places we shouldn't be going, even if we never act on them. The reason is, Jesus said if you lust in your heart you have already committed the act.
Is it a high standard? Yes! But God has called us to live at a high level in our life. We are to live above the low standards of this world. We are to find our sexual satisfaction in the mate God gives us to share our life with as our husband or wife. That means very simply this. First of all, if you are NOT married, you need to keep your thoughts pure and save not only your body, but your mind for the one God has for your life. If you are married, your sexual thoughts and activities are to be ONLY with your husband or wife. Anything else is not God's plan and is sin!!!
Now that we know what God expects, let's talk about real life. Read, and re-read the second paragraph. There is to be NO compromise. This is what God expects from us. Now, how do we get to that point? The best case is you are still young, have not been exposed to pornography, and you have the warning of this message to guard yourself against it.
For those who have been exposed in the past to pornography, the key is to "renew your mind" and flush it out. We do that each day using the spiritual detergent of God's Word. Stay away from and guard your thought life. There are those who are currently involved in pornography at some level. It is bondage.
Before you can get victory over it, you have to want to quit. Once you get to that point, than realize it is a battle. Like any battle, to see victory you need a battle plan. You need one or several people in your life to be accountable to. You need the strength each day only the Lord can give you. There is victory over pornography just like any other sin.
I love you and will be praying for you. I realize this is hitting home with many of you. Let it be a special tap on the shoulder from God that now is the time to deal with this issue in your file. It isn't going to change until YOU decide to change. As you know, any time we pervert the original plan of God, things never really work. We always get cheated out of the best God has for us when we settle for what the world offers. You can only know the true blessings of God and the fullness of what life can give, when we are in His will, living life His way.
God is in the deliverance business, and I know that He can deliver you from the bondage of pornography. I will be praying for those people fighting this sin in their life and believing God to touch their hearts, to bring them under conviction, and to help them have the courage to take the steps necessary to walk away from this sin and live a victorious life.
He is able, and can set you free. God is STILL in the deliverance business!!! God gave a man and woman who are married the gift of sex. God is the giver of all good and perfect gifts. Enjoy this wonderful gift, and don't pervert it or abuse it by polluting it with pornography.
In His love and service, Your friend and brother in Christ,