Daily Devotional for Saturday October 29, 2005

Trading in your Spouse for a Newer Model, a Message for those Committing Adultery

(Exodus 20:14)

I wish I could tell you the number of emails I get daily from women whose husbands have left them for another woman, as well as men whose wives have left them for another man. Today it is time to speak to you openly, honestly, and hopefully bring some of you back to REALITY before it is too late.

Here is the way the story goes. "Bob" is 50 and after 26 years of marriage, 3 children, all of a sudden one of the 20-something-year-old women he works with is paying attention to him. "Bob" now feels like a 15 year old boy in love for the first time. He starts working out for the first time in 20 years, buys Grecian formula for that graying hair, gets some new clothes, and his mind is racing with endless fantasies. This young woman likes "Bob" because she just broke up with her immature boyfriend and is lonely, is one of those women that likes the game of taking men who are married, is looking for a "dad" for her children, is looking at "Bob" for what she can get out of him, or in some VERY rare cases, actually does like him.

They end up going out to lunch together, going away on business functions, and go to incredible extremes to have time together. "Bob" eventually listens to enough of satan's lies, gets deep enough into sin that soon he quits even trying to hide his affair and pretty soon actually moves out to be with the other woman full time. Shortly after that, the other woman ends up cheating on him and soon gets tired of "Bob" and kicks him out. It is usually about this time "Bob" wakes up and realizes he has just ruined his life, the life of his wife, and the lives of his children.

Just to be fair, this EXACT story also happens almost proportionately these days with women leaving their husbands for another man.

Early in my marriage (app. 18 yrs ago), when I was not walking with the Lord I was involved in several adulterous affairs. I thank God daily for His love and mercy, for His forgiveness. I thank God daily for my wife and her commitment to our marriage and unconditional love that allowed her to forgive me. I confess this to you today so those who read this will know that I understand this subject from personal experience. Adultery is simply an act of gross selfishness. There is NO excuse for it, no way to even try and justify it. It is an act of total rebellion towards God. It is sin, and trust me my friend, God cannot and will not bless sin. When you commit this act, you are sinning against God, your spouse, yourself, and you are contributing to the sin of the other person. There are NO winners in an adulterous situation. EVERYONE LOSES. For whatever moments of pleasure there are, you pay an incredibly high price. So why do so many people make this sinful choice?

The reasons for committing adultery are endless. All of them added up together still aren't justification for this blatant act of disobedience to God. Do you realize the time and effort that it takes to be involved in an adulterous relationship, if that same time and effort was put towards your spouse it would do wonders for your marriage?

If you took all of the time it takes planning to be together with that other person, put forth the same energy you do to please that other person, was as kind, considerate, and affectionate as you are with that other person....with your spouse....how much better your marriage would be??? Do you realize that when you are involved in an adulterous relationship how much communication there is with the other person? If you put even half of that communication into your marriage it would be dramatically better overnight!!!

Here is reality my friend. There is no future with a person you are involved in an adulterous relationship with. It will never work out long-term, if for no other reason, God is never going to bless a union rooted in such sin. Whatever problems that exist in your marriage that even cause you to consider committing adultery can be fixed with the effort of both spouses and asking God to help you.

For whatever reasons there may have been, you chose to make a vow to God and your spouse for the rest of your life and now you need to make it work. For those who are not yet married, maybe now you can see why it is SO IMPORTANT to not rush into marriage. Stay pure so you aren't forced into marriage. Be equally yoked so there is spiritual harmony and communication in a marriage. Most problems stem from the marriage starting on a non-spiritual foundation. Marriage is SERIOUS and for LIFE!

I love you and care about you so much. I know many of you are hurting today because your spouse has cheated on you. You are NOT responsible for his/her actions. Your spouse has the same free will that you have. Your most effective weapon is to pray for them, and commit them to God since only He can change their heart.

My wife learned how to really trust God 100% during that period in our life many years ago. It is a time to make your faith real. The Lord will help you overcome the pain and hurt, and actually be able to forgive your spouse and move forward in your relationship. God is a God of healing and restoration if you are both committed to your marriage.

For those who are currently involved in an adulterous relationship I have one thing to say to you, STOP TODAY!!! I know that it will be difficult, but it is the first step to getting your relationship with God back, and your life back. Anyone who is honest, knows that life becomes almost not worth living under those conditions. God will always help you when you are trying to follow His way. Whatever problems that exist in your marriage, adultery is not the answer. Honest open communication with your spouse, allowing God to be an active part of your life, working at the commitment you made to your husband/wife...this is what it is going to take to make your marriage all that God wants it to be.

Because of the widespread nature of this issue, know that I will be spending time in prayer for those of you who are dealing with this in your life. Both those who are committing adultery, and those who have a spouse cheating on them. My prayer is that you will find that intimate personal relationship with the Lord that you need to overcome the pain you are facing in your life. No matter how hopeless things may look, there is ALWAYS hope in Christ. Get right with God, then get right with your spouse. It is the only answer and God will help you when you commit your life to Him and follow His Word.

You trade in your CAR for a newer model, not your spouse! Marriage is a lifetime commitment!